yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I supernannyed him into submission
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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