You kept calling me your small dog last night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
