Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
