she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
