I wish I could punch you in the face.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
should my penis look like a turkey
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
