Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
