he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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