I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
