New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
