I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just gargled with NyQuil
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
