plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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