my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
