so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
