My cat gives me a boner
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
