I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
