I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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