is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
