O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
