i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
