Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
