Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
