4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
