it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
