Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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