The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You pole danced in your parka.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
