best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
