Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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