If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
