I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I will pee on everything he values.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
