turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
