You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
