I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
