she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize