so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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