You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
