Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
