Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
