I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
