He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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