How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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