my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
