we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
