I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
