So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Randomize
