question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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