I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
