I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
