you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
