do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
