Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
