So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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